This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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