Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
