But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
