I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
