last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
