My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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