He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
