Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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