I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
