i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
