Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
