I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
