i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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