Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
