Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
