I puked a lego.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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