This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
