Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i believe in u and ur pee
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
