tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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