just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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