you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
