I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
