You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
