I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
