Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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