Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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