We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
