living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
