I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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