I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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