There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
