I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
