I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
