All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
