forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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