yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
