remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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