True but thats because hes a fetus.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
