his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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