I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am available for nakedness
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
