I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
