I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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