I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
