that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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