She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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