Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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