just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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