how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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