Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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