It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
